Not an actual alien invasion

New Addington residents were surprised to see what seemed to be the aftermath of a meteor storm when 22 large boulders appeared on the high street earlier this month.

In fact, it’s a scheme to deter illegal parking, from London mayor Boris Johnson’s Outer London Fund. Local opinion is divided — some residents call the boulders an ‘eyesore’ and liken them to an alien invasion, while traders say they will stop dangerous parking.

We think they look hilariously out of place, though concerns about people hitting their heads on them after falling over on ice, or that they’re disrespectful to the local funeral parlour are perhaps over-enthusiastic.

Has your local authority come up with novel schemes to deter illegal parking? Tell us in the comments.

Photo by photocillin in the Londonist Flickr pool.

Muck in, dig deep and get muddy in Ruskin Park this Saturday at the start of tree planting season with London-based charity, Trees for Cities.

Everyone’s welcome to this community planting event which should see the Old Bowling Green turned into an informal garden, creating a new space for the community and increasing the biodiversity of the park.

There will be encouraging live music from Dulwich Ukelele Club, plus face painting, arts and crafts and Apple Day activities to keep small tree planters amused.

Over the next five months Trees for Cities will plant 70,000 new urban trees in deprived areas of cities across the UK and internationally.

You can also join Trees for Cities on Clapham Common on Saturday 17 November, replacing trees which have died due to old age and disease, creating new woodland planting and community orchard planting.

Be at Ruskin Park, Lambeth from 11am-3pm on Saturday 20 October to help Trees for Cities.

For those with young whippersnappers in need of half term escapades, a new London map with child-friendly advice would be a good investment. The Adventure Walks London Map sets out the best museums, city farms, sweet shops, ice cream parlours and other diversions to keep your kid (and hopefully you) entertained.

As well as the well-trodden ground of central London, the chart also spreads east to Docklands, Greenwich and the edges of the Olympic Park, with a dozen or so suggested walks across the capital. You’ll also find a game of I Spy; ’20 Thrilling Things To Do’ (example: count the ships from Nelson’s Fleet on the Mall lamp posts); and plenty of lists, from the crispiest fish and chips to top 10 views.

The map comes from former Londonist Out Loud guests Becky Jones and Clare Lewis, who’ve cornered the market in curiosity-led London guides for children. You can get a copy of the map for £4.95 here.

The Bloomsbury Festival returns this weekend, with a three-day celebration of arts, culture and education. An all-embracing programme of events focusing on both the traditional and the contemporary will occupy over 50 locations in and around the leafy streets of the area. The festival kicks off on Friday evening in Russell Square with a performance of dancing fireflies inspired by the Grant Museum of Zoology (6-8pm) and continues on throughout Saturday and Sunday.

As you might expect from the home of Virginia Woolf and co, literary types will be well catered for with readings from emerging and established writers. Look out for Cream Tea and Conversation, a celebratory talk on Persephone Book’s 100th publication merrily washed down with a cup of cream tea (Sat 4.30-5.30pm). Poetry lovers can take part in a poetry activist workshop (Sun noon-1.30pm) and readings from A Bloomsbury Foursome (Sat 6-6.45pm).

A special focus on visual art and architecture will see guided walking tours highlighting the often overlooked merits of newer buildings in the area (Sun 2-2.30pm). You might even be able to grab a ticket to look round the tower of Senate House, the Art Deco masterpiece that looms over the neighbourhood. If that’s not your thing, you can put your opposable digits to good use by contributing to a vast thumb-print painting of a brace of doves (Sun 11am-4pm).

Music buffs can enjoy the best of the area’s un-amped acoustic talent from Hush (Sat 6-11pm), or head over to the ever-popular SOAS World Music Stage in Russell Square, where musicians from Africa, Asia, Latin America and Europe will be playing across Saturday and Sunday.

Families will also find much to do, with participatory activities such as caricature drawing (Sat 1.30-2.20pm, Sun 3.30-4.20pm) and digital photography lessons for children aged three and up (Sat 11.30am-3.30pm).

The festival takes place 19-21 October and all events are free. Tickets for some events can be pre-booked but can also be collected on the door. Check out the Bloomsbury Festival website for a full list of events, times and locations.

 By Jodie Shepley. Image of the SOAS World Music Stage by McTumshie in the Londonist Flickr pool.

Our top tips for the best theatre, opera and dance shows opening in London this week. Plus a reminder of those about to leave London’s stages…

DANCE
Tonight, the Rambert Dance Company is at Sadler’s Wells with a programme of works featuring the heart-breaking and humorous Labyrinth of Love, Merce Cunningham’s Sounddance, and Richard Alston’s sharp and witty creation Dutiful Ducks. Over at the Barbican from Thursday you can see Michael Clark Company present New Work 2012. It’s a double bill featuring a piece choreographed to music by Scritti Politti and another to music by Relaxed Muscle, who also performs live exclusively for the Barbican season.

THEATRE
New play Red Velvet opens at the Tricycle Theatre tonight. Starring Adrian Lester, Red Velvet is the true story of Ira Aldridge, a young black actor who took on the role of Othello in the 1830s, creating a revolution inside the theatre that matched the turmoil going on in the streets outside. Also opening tonight is the bleakly funny Stacey at the New Diorama; Joe Orton’s Loot Upstairs at the Gatehouse; and Matthew Lewis’ 1796 gothic masterpiece, The Monk, at Barons Court Theatre.

Tomorrow, a new British musical comes to the West End. Written by Elliot Davis and Busted’s James Bourne, Loserville opens at the Garrick Theatre, telling the story of a group of geeky friends in 1970s America. (There’s a sample in the video below.) From Friday, you can see Martina Cole’s Dangerous Lady at the Theatre Royal Stratford East. Celebrating the 20th anniversary of the publication of Cole’s first novel, the Stratford theatre presents its third adaptation of a Cole novel.

Finally, on Monday, Dolly Parton – 9 to 5 The Musical comes to the New Wimbledon Theatre. A story of friendship, gossip and revenge, Dolly Parton – 9 to 5 The Musical stars Natalie Casey, Bonnie Langford, Ben Richards and Amy Lennox. Or you can catch Dr Faustus at the Pleasance Theatre presented by Scene Productions using stunning puppetry, live illusion and trickery to bring avenging angels and dastardly demons to life.

OPERA
Multi-award-winning director Rufus Norris directs Mozart’s most wickedly seductive opera, Don Giovanni at the London Coliseum from tomorrow.

LAST CHANCE
The Magic Flute closes at the London Coliseum on Thursday. Saturday is your last chance to see Insufficiency at the Riverside Studios; Sunset Baby at the Gate; Paul Merton at the Vaudeville Theatre; and Mudlarks at the Bush.

Kuedo

Remember how in the Papa Don’t Preach video Madonna wore a t-shirt that stated “Italians Do It Better”? Well, this tenet will be tested on Thursday night when international festival Club To Club‘s Italian New Wave showcase hits Shoreditch hotspot, Village Underground.

Giving Londoners a preview of Club To Club’s Alfa Romeo MiTo fest, which takes place in Torino next month, there’s plenty to exclaim “che fico!” about, with a line-up representing a wide spectrum of Italian music creativity (80s pop strumpet Sabrina Salerno is conspicuously missing from the bill but, as life often demonstrates, readers: to want everything is to be greedy!).

Special guest Kuedo, who headlines the night, will be joined by some of the pioneers of Italy’s contemporary electronic sound, including the inventor of ‘cosmic disco’, Daniele Baldelli. Back in the late 70s, Baldelli was resident at Italian club Cosmic, where he is said to have created the genre by mixing pitched-down rock, synth-pop and world music. Other acts featured on the night will be techno producer, Lory D, as well as Lucy, a producer and DJ who is also the founder of Stroboscopic Artefacts. If you can pronounce that without stumbling on your own tongue then you probably already know that Stroboscopic Artefacts’ debut album, Wordplay For Working Bees, blends experimental techno with ambient, industrial and dub influences and has had quite a bit of critical acclaim for doing so.

Kuedo himself may be familiar to you as Jamie Teasdale, one half of Dubsteppers Vex’d. His set promises to toss together Hard Atlanta rap instruments and fervent footwork with 80′s synth soundtracks, quasi disco and other dance-salad ingredients from the post-dubstep musical sphere. Throw in some “relevant” visual shows and fashion design and you may be forgiven for thinking you are actually in Italy for the night.

With doors clicking open at 7pm, you get 7 hours of fun before the bouncers become grouchy and, yes, it’s a school night but the weekend is just around the corner so quit chatting negatives and start planning your outfit.

Club To Club’s London Showcase takes place at Village Underground this Thursday, 18 October. Tickets are available here.

Home secretary Theresa May has blocked the extradition to the United States of London computer hacker Gary McKinnon.

McKinnon has been called the ‘biggest military computer hack of all time’ by the US authorities and was due to face charges over hacking into military computer systems — charges which could have seen him imprisoned for up to 60 years. Originally arrested in 2002, he has been fighting the extradition attempt for 10 years, a fight which included two failed appeals before a High Court judge ruled McKinnon was at risk of suicide if extradited. McKinnon has been diagnosed with Asperger’s syndrome. The home secretary said:

“After careful consideration of all of the relevant material I have concluded that Mr McKinnon’s extradition would rise to such a high risk of him ending his life that a decision to extradite would be incompatible with Mr McKinnon’s human rights. I have therefore withdrawn the extradition order against Mr McKinnon.”

The extradition treaty between the UK and the US has been the subject of much criticism since it was put in place in 2003 under the Blair government (remember that ‘special relationship’?). A report by the House of Commons’ home affairs select committee earlier this year called it ‘one-sided’. The main bone of contention is that the UK needs to prove probable cause when applying to extradite a US national to the UK, but only reasonable suspicion is required to extradite a UK national to the US. Human rights group Liberty have also campaigned for fairer extradition laws.

Legal blogger David Allen Green, AKA Jack of Kent, offers a slightly different view, saying the media coverage has been misleading:

“The allegations also do not relate to a few isolated and chance examples of hacking, where Mr McKinnon perhaps opportunistically took advantage of lax US security, but instead to a sustained hacking exercise which took place over fourteen months and involving 96 computers in five US government departments, and which came to an end (it seems) only with his detection and arrest. It should not thereby be underestimated how serious the allegation are.”

The family of the recently-extradited Babar Ahmad have also questioned the decision, accusing the government of double standards:

“We strongly welcome the decision not to extradite Gary McKinnon – we would not want his family to experience the pain and suffering we have all been enduring since Babar was extradited.

However, questions do need to be asked as to why, within the space of two weeks, a British citizen with Asperger’s accused of computer related activity is not extradited, while two other British citizens, one with Asperger’s, engaged in computer related activity are extradited. A clear demonstration of double standards.”

So could this upset that carefully-crafted ‘special relationship’? The Washington Post thinks it could cause some tension. Our friends over the pond were none too pleased when Scotland’s national administration freed Lockerbie bomber Abdelbaset Ali al-Megrahi in 2009 though David Cameron was quick at the time to distance himself from the action. US extradition expert Douglas McNabb and former White House adviser David Rivkin also disputed May’s decision, telling the BBC that it is ‘laughable’ and suggesting that the US Attorney’s Office could ask Interpol to issue a red notice, meaning McKinnon could be arrested if he left the UK.

Photo by normko in the Londonist Flickr pool.

• London’s firefighters are asked to consider redundancy as the Fire Brigade seeks to save £65million in two years
• One in five workers are being paid less than the London Living Wage
• Remembrance Day’s going Underground with poppy wrapped trains and Barbara Windsor announcements
• The Evening Standard’s gone into profit and Lebedev’s looking at running a local TV channel for London
• Facebook have opened a new engineering centre in Covent Garden
• George Orwell’s face has gone missing from Hampstead
• Listen out for a Ukulele flash mob tomorrow…if you can play and are game, join the email list

Photo by worldoflard via the Londonist Flickrpool.

It’s five years since the NFL took the huge step of entrusting a genuine, regular season game to London and now the consistent sell-out crowds at Wembley are being rewarded with a second fixture for 2013. Not only will the Jacksonville Jaguars begin their four year tenure with a tilt against the San Francisco 49ers in the now traditional slot at the end of October, but they will be joined by the Minnesota Vikings hosting the Pittsburgh Steelers on Sunday September 29th.

After last year’s player lockout threatened the Wembley sequence until it was almost too late to organise the game, this announcement gives British fans and administrators, and indeed Wembley and its staff, a huge vote of confidence as the St Louis Rams prepare to fly in to Heathrow next week, ready to take on the New England Patriots in two Sundays’ time. If you don’t already have a ticket for that, keep an eye on the NFL UK website as a few, final seats are often released very close to game day as the participating teams finalise what they will and won’t need from their allocations.

The NFL estimates that the Wembley games have helped to grow the UK fanbase to more than two million regular followers, representing a thirty-two percent increase even in the past two years. Live games are now shown on Sky, Channel 4 and the BBC with viewing figures also rising sharply, while the Super Bowl, the NFL’s season finale, has almost doubled its UK audience since the Miami Dolphins hosted the New York Giants in London five years ago, despite the showpiece occasion being transmitted in the early hours of a February Monday morning.

The Pittsburgh Steelers have never played on these shores despite their popularity over here and their success-studded history, but the Minnesota Vikings are already a vital part of the history of the NFL in this country. They faced a team from St Louis (the Cardinals, now in Arizona) in the first ever NFL friendly fixture at the old Wembley Stadium in 1983 in front of around 30,000 fans, surfing the wave of novelty and enthusiasm generated by Channel 4′s trailbalzing coverage which had begun twelve months earlier. At the same time, London’s first local American Football team emerged with the London Ravens holding training sessions in Hyde Park before embarking on eight years of games at Stamford Bridge, Richmond Athletic Ground and the Copthorne Stadium in Barnet, including the first UK international game against a team from Paris. Now that the NFL’s investment in the UK has expanded, London fans can hope that a fully-fledged professional successor to the Ravens based in London has come a significant step closer.

Curry: the British national dish...see 7.30pm. Image by Stephskimo in the Londonist Flickr pool.

FREE TRAVEL: Over 60? Apply for your free Oyster card from today.

SURPRISE UKES: We hear that a ukulele flash mob is due to descend somewhere on the Southbank today. Keep your ears peeled.

GIVE BLOOD: Today’s opportunities to pump out the volume are provided by clinics at Freemason’s Hall (9.30am-12.30pm and 2-4pm), Holborn Viaduct (9.30-11.30am and 1-4pm), and Trinity Street, Borough (11am-1.30pm and 3pm-5.30pm).

BANG, FLASH, OOOO: The Science Museum’s live stage show, featuring chemical reactions and scientific demonstrations, starts today, running through till 4 November. £12 (adults), £9.50 (children); 11am, 1.30pm 

BORING: The Boring Conference, it turns out, is one of the most popular events in London’s cultural calendar. Speakers talk about every day items that many would consider boring — train timetables, hairdryers, that kind of thing — but in an engaging way. The second batch of tickets goes on sale today, and will certainly sell out fast. £20, 1pm

ARCHAEOLOGY: This week’s Crossrail talk reports on the discovery of a Tudor manor house during a dig in Stepney Green. Free, just turn up, 6.30pm

LIFE DRAWING: A chance to learn some drawing skills without paying a penny (for the first four lessons) at the Life Drawing meetup in Bermondsey. Free, 6.30pm

LONDON BLOGGING: See five champions of London blogging — or electronic publishing — at Museum of London tonight: Dave Hill (Guardian Online), Sonya Barber (Time Out), Michael Pollitt (Snipe London), Chloe McCloskey (Lecool) and Ian Mansfield (Ian Visits). What no Londonist? £7, 7pm

OPERA: Put a bit more Mozart in your life as Don Giovanni opens at the London Coliseum. From £12, 7pm

CURRY: Madhur Jaffrey and Hardeep Singh Kholi are at the Bishopsgate Institute to discuss Madhur’s new book Curry Nation, a look at how the south-Asian cuisine became Britain’s de facto national dish. £9.50, 7.30pm

NEW MUSIC: “Musicians who play on their own terms FRESH …RAW… REAL” is the order of the evening at Milly’s World, a lineup of fresh talent at the Monarch, Camden Town tonight. £5, just turn up, 7.30pm-1am

OLD MUSIC: Any Talking Heads fans in the house? The Water Poet’s basement bar is screening the 1984 tour documentary Stop Making Sense. £4.50, 7.30pm

Random London Fact Of The Day

Did you know that James Bond can trace his roots back to Peckham? In On Her Majesty’s Secret Service, the spy’s ancestry is linked to Sir Thomas Bond, a wealthy 17th Century Peckham landholder after whom Bond Street is named. Sir Thomas’ family motto was Orbis non sufficit…The World is not Enough.

Weather

Warm, windy, cloudy, rainy…Wednesday is a capernoited vending machine of weather. BBC Weather.

Secret Hidden False Fact Of The Day
Struggling to find a snappy name for his protagonist, Ian Fleming finally hit upon James Bond after a walk between St James Park and Bond Street. History could have panned out so differently had he strolled between Oval and Mudchute.

Everything Everything looking Photoshop Handsome (Image by Nadav Kander)

Why say something once when you can just as easily get away with saying it twice? Everything Everything release the first cut from their next album as a single this week and they make things rather nice and symmetrical with its title, ‘Cough Cough‘. This manic and wonderful track highlights all that is unique about the quartet: choppy song structures, hectic vocals and hooksome melodies.

Returning to London for a headlining gig next week, the lads are preparing to take 2013 by storm, with early reports of Cough Cough’s parent album, Arc, promising a sonic treat for sore ears. Londonist took this opportunity to corner drummer Michael Spearman (he’s the forlorn-looking beardy to the left) and pose various ponderments for his consideration and response.

Congratulations on ‘Cough Cough’, which is really quite something. Was it a unanimous decision for it to be the public’s first taster from the new album?
The four of us in the band were all in agreement that it should be the first song that we return with because it has some elements in common with the sound of our previous album, Man Alive, but we feel it goes further and is bolder. We’re very lucky to have a label who listens to us regarding these kinds of decisions.

When you guys started writing Arc, what did you envisage it sounding like when finished?
We didn’t really have too many specific goals when writing the songs; we just carried on writing and made sure that only the best songs made it onto the album. In general, we wanted the songs to be more focused and easier to sing this time round so the melodies are stronger but I think we’ve still managed to hold on to the essence of what our band is. It’s just been boiled down so that it packs more of a punch.

Now we expect you to be objective here… hand on heart — how many songs on Arc are at least as amazing as ‘My KZ Ur BF‘?
That’s difficult to answer. We’re a restless bunch and try not to repeat ourselves but I think there are songs on Arc which fans of ‘My Kz’ will definitely be into. In general, I think Arc is probably a little darker in tone than Man Alive was.

You’re showcasing the band’s new material on the current tour. Were the new songs arranged with a view to being played live or have you had to adapt their album versions to the live setting?
I think naturally any band’s songwriting is informed by playing live. We definitely considered how songs would come across live because we did a lot of gigs in support of Man Alive and we know that, hopefully, we’ll be doing lots more with this new album so we’re conscious that the new songs work in that way.

Do you remember the band’s first ever gig in London?
Yeah, it was at Cargo in 2009 and I remember we were fairly terrified. We’re better at dealing with pressure these days, I think, but back then the words ‘London gig’ meant that people from the industry would be there and would be deciding whether they wanted to put their time and energy into working with us, often free of charge as we were just starting out. So we wanted to prove to them that we were worth it.

The band’s still based in Manchester. For you, are London audiences different to Mancunian audiences?
I don’t think there’s much difference, really. We have great shows in both cities and feel very lucky to be playing to people who have taken the time to come and see us. We’ll never take that for granted.

Who in the band gets the most nervous before live shows?
We’re all quite similar in that respect. None of us get incredibly nervous but it’s good to have a few minutes before we go on just to gather ourselves and jump around to Dr Dre.

You’ve played drums on Bat For Lashes’ ‘Horses of the Sun’, ‘The Haunted Man’ and ‘A Wall’ from her new album. How did your involvement with this project come about?
Yes, that’s true — how did you know that?!

Londonist knows everything (everything)*…
I think Natasha liked our first album and, of course, David Kosten produced it. He did her first two albums, which we’re all fans of, so I guess he suggested asking me and Jeremy [Pritchard, the band's bassist] to try ideas on a few songs. We worked on it on different days but both of us got a lot out of seeing how she writes and her approach in general as a solo artist, which is completely different to being in a band. I have a lot of respect for how clear her vision is and how she pulls a project together to achieve it.

The band’s been nominated for quite a few awards with Man Alive. How important are such accolades to you all?
I guess some artists think very commercially and if they sell a certain amount of units then they have done what they set out to do and can feel they’re doing a good job. We don’t think in those terms so for us being nominated for the likes of the Mercury Music Prize and the Ivor Novellos is a really welcome and humbling nod that we’re doing OK and, of course, we’re heartened by that. However, it’s dangerous to get carried away or rest on your laurels because you’re only ever as good as the last thing you make or the last gig that you play and we always want to be improving.

The album’s only coming out in January. Now, for argument’s sake, if family members and friends ask you for the new Everything Everything album as a Christmas present a couple of weeks early, could you be persuaded to break the release embargo?
Our mums will each receive the album on cassette on Christmas Day but they’ll only be allowed to play it on their Walkmans and can never speak of it.

Fair enough. And, finally, are there any unusual items on your rider this tour?
We ask for all sorts but, in reality, we only ever receive ham, hummus and Berocca, which is absolutely fine by us!

Cough Cough is out now on Sony. Everything Everything play Village Underground on Tuesday, 23 October. Ticket information is available here.

*Londonist does not, in fact, know everything.

The unstoppable pun machine that is Milton Jones heads the first installment of Voodoo Nights, a new comedy night at the Hammersmith Lyric Theatre.

Not that London faces a dearth of brilliant comedy nights, but Voodoo Nights aims to bring the funnies back to Hammersmith’s Lyric Theatre from 21 October.

This one looks tailored for comedy nerds: James Acaster, Nick Helm, and Josh Widdicombe are hosting. If you don’t know their names yet, you probably will soon: all of these relative newcomers have been enjoying untold praise recently.

And then there are the performers. On this first night we have Milton Jones, The Thick of It‘s Sara Pascoe — coming off her acclaimed Edinburgh show Sara Pascoe the Musical – and the experimental (read: slightly surreal) schoolteacher David Trent.

Hints have been dropped that the three hosts might even perform some material together as well as their stand-up slots.

Six acclaimed comedians for £15. We’re hard-pressed to argue with that. Tickets for the first Voodoo Night are available here.

Image of the tram in Camberwell, on a typical low-traffic day

A planning application for a privately-funded “Supertram” to run through Southwark is to be submitted, according to a notice posted along the proposed route.

Tram Power, the ambitious, Preston-based company behind the plan, claims that the line, which would run south from London Bridge through Elephant & Castle, Walworth Road and Camberwell before terminating at Denmark Hill, could be up and running within two years, and would cost around £50m; by way of comparison, the last serious tram proposal in London, the Cross River Tram between King’s Cross and Peckham that was axed by Boris Johnson in 2008, had a price tag of £1.3 billion.

The service would be privately funded, and would share space with existing road traffic, although signalling would be re-jigged in order to give trams priority. Access would be via island platforms in the centre of the road, and a site near the Bricklayers Arms has been identified for a depot. The architect Milan Babic has drawn up early schemes for where the stops would be located, while political backing comes courtesy of Lib Dem councillor James Barber, who in April cited the streetcar in Portland, Oregon as a good model. The local website SE1 has an excellent report from earlier this year that discusses the logistics in finer detail.

Sounds promising, but we can’t help feel sceptical about the scheme’s chances. While it would be privately funded, it would still need sign-off from both Southwark council and Transport for London, who might not be keen to hand over space on what is a busy route. How it would integrate with the Oyster system is another potential hurdle.

Croydon aside, 50 years have passed since trams trundled through London, but tram dreams aren’t rare among London’s quixotic town planners: last year Ken Livingstone mused over a new north London service, while the tramification of Oxford Street is a perennial topic, and strong local opposition toppled the proposed West London Tram in 2007.

Perhaps the most damning comment comes via the local Labour party, which noted: “I know the Liberal Democrats are excited about this scheme, but I’m worried they’re just getting carried away by the pretty graphics”.

Author appearances, poetry and spoken word events in London this week

Wednesday: Join three authors shortlisted for the Samuel Johnson prize at Foyles: Robert McFarlane, Paul Preston and Sue Prideaux (6.30pm, free).

Martyn Crucefix is talking about his new translation of Rilke’s Sonnets to Orpheus at Waterstones Covent Garden (7pm, £9.50 / £7.50).

Tim Cresswell, Edward Doeger, Irene James, Jemime Roberts, Richard Scott, Clair Wilcox and Tom Chivers perform at the Poetry Cafe tonight (7.30pm, £3).

Antony John, Andy Spragg and Juha Virtanen are the poets Xing the Line at The Apple Tree (7.30pm, £5 / £3).

Thursday: Simon Garfield gives an illustrated talk on maps at Waterstones Covent Garden (6pm, £5 / £3).

The Firestation Book Swap is at Windsor Waterstones this month, with guests Niven Govinden and John Higgs (7.45pm, £5 or free with homemade cake).

Al-Saddiq Al-Raddi, Sarah Maguire and Joanna Oyediran present an evening of Sudanese poetry at The Mosaic Rooms (7pm, free).

Jonny Fluffypunk and Bridget Minamore are the guests at Bang Said the Gun (8pm, £5).

RNIB Wonderland kicks off near Southwark Cathedral.

Friday: Michael Dobson, Marina Warner, Emma Smith, James Shapiro and Colin Barrow debate whether we should consider Shakespeare a contemporary, at the British Museum (6.30pm, £10 / £8).

Stephen Appleby is launching and signing his collected Loomus cartoons at Bookseller Crow in Crystal Palace (7.30pm, free).

Dorothy Koomson discusses her novel The Rose Petal Beach at Balham Library (6.30pm, free).

Jo Nesbo is signing copies of his latest novel, The Bat, at Foyles Charing Cross Road from 12.30pm. Later, YA authors Gregg Olsen, Chris Ould and Niall Leonard will chat about their work (6.30pm, free).

Ardella Jones, Graham Buchan, Francis White and Patric Cunnane are tonight’s Dodo Modern Poets at the Poetry Cafe (8pm, £6 / £5).

Salena Godden, Linton Kwesi Johnson, Attillah Springer, Hannah Lowe and Anthony Joseph are among the spoken word artists at Jamdown Meets Liming at the V&A (7pm, £12 / £9).

Saturday: Helen Smith hosts The Literary Cabaret at the Bloomsbury Theatre with a fabulous line-up: Suzanne Joinson, Craig Taylor, Will Wiles and Karen McLeod (7pm, free).

Part of the Bloomsbury Festival, join Persephone Books for a cream tea and launch of their short story collection (4.30pm, free).

Cornelia Funke reads from her new children’s novel Ghost Knight at Daunt Books Hampstead (11am, free).

Poetry in Palmers Green welcomes Shanta Acharya, Martyn Crucefix, Martina Evans, Mike Loveday and Maria Sanchez (7.30pm, £5 / £3.50).

Sunday: inc. zine’s poetry party has performances from Zena Edwards, Raphael Attar Variety Hour, Emma Jones and Joshua Seigal, at The Book Club (7pm, £5).

Monday: Michael Morpurgo is talking about war at Kings College from 7pm (free).

Bit of a League of Gentlemen theme at Book Slam, with Jeremy Dyson presenting Reece Shearsmith, Mark Kermode, Barry and Stuart, Kyla La Grange and Daniel Pemberton (7.30pm, £6 / £8).

Poet in the City and Bloodaxe present a full length show at Kings Place (7pm, £9.50).

Ade Adeniji, Darren Brady and Francois Lubbe launch the anthology Love Me As I Am at Foyles (6.30pm, free).

Pauline Black of The Selecter is reading from her autobiography at Canada Water Library (7pm, free).

Rosie Shepperd, Peter Daniels, Sandeep Parmar, Susan Utting, Anthony Wilson, Sarah Salway, Paul Casey, Afric McGlinchey and Henry Fajemirokun are at Coffee House Poetry (8pm, £7 / £6).

Tuesday: Judges Peter Serafinowicz and Viv Groksop cast their eye over Dean Atta, Steve Aylett, Alex Preston and Cassie Gonzales at Literary Death Match (8.15pm, £5 / £8).

David J features at Twisting Tongues at Apres London on Oxford Street (7.15pm, £5 / £4).

Niall O’Sullivan hosts the Poetry Cafe‘s regular open mic night (7.30pm, £5 / £4).

More poetry (on cakes) at The Bell in Spitalfields, for the new issue of Poetry Digest, with readers Isobel Dixon, Jacqueline Saphra and Sarah Hesketh (7pm, free).

Book ahead: Dawn French is talking about her second novel at the Criterion Theatre on 26 October, but on the back of GBBO frenzy you might be interested to hear that the person she’s talking to is Sue Perkins (6pm, £18.99 / £15 online).

Follow @LondonistLit for our pick of that day’s literary events.

As part of this year’s London Film Festival, Film London showcased some of our city’s best film-making talent under the London Calling programme, which is supported by Film London’s own production schemes.

Shorts programmes are often difficult, especially if they’re poorly chosen, with the cream of the crop inevitably rising to the top, while smaller pieces tend to fade sooner than they ought. Thankfully, that’s not really the case here, with the most memorable films clocking in roughly around the fifteen minute mark. Claire Oakley’s Physics (see still shot at top) is the real stand-out, a sublime short that’s perfectly suited to its format. Set in a weather-whipped beach-side town, it involves two girls whot believe they’ve found the ‘God particle’ amongst the pebbles. Bringing it to their ageing hippy friend Les (Matt King, Peep Show’s Super Hans), we come to realise what this artefact means to a young girl struggling to say goodbye to her dying mother.

Different in tone, but equally impressive in its pared-down storytelling is Emma Savage’s Sell-By Date, starring Daisy Haggard as a thirty-something woman struggling to conceive with a partner who’s increasingly disheartened by the process. Coming across as a sort of cross between Green Wing and a superior mid-90s British rom-com, it’s much slyer in what it has to say about the expectations and ennui of trying for a baby. The fact that it’s also big-hearted and frequently very funny doesn’t hurt either.

The other shorts on offer – Richard Turley’s Darklight, Chanya Button’s Fire and Luke Rodgers’ I Spy – are also impressive. The only real miss here is Patrick Myles’ Santa’s Blotto, which feels like a missed opportunity in spite of its inspired casting of Brian Blessed as a reprobate Santa who’s bested by a smug little boy on Christmas Eve after he doesn’t deliver the present the kid was hoping for.

London Calling screened as part of this year’s London Film Festival. No further screenings are scheduled, but do seek out these short films elsewhere.

Dishonored.

Further proof of our Mayor’s playful, fun-loving side comes next week, when images depicting scenes from well-known video games go on show at City Hall. The exhibition forms part of the ongoing London Games Festival.

Featured games include Batman: Arkham City, Little Big Planet, a London streetscape from new game Dishonored, and an image inspired by Metal Gear Solid. If you see something you like, you can bid for it by auction. All proceeds will go to SpecialEffect, a charity helping disabled people have a better quality of life through games, art and technology.

The Games Art Exhibition opens at 12-6pm on Monday 22 October and runs till Friday 26 October (9am-6pm on days other than the opener). Entrance is free, but be prepared to go through City Hall’s security scanners.

Image by M@.

Temple Bar, the archway connecting St Paul’s to Paternoster Square, is one of London’s most itchy-footed buildings. It originally stood on Fleet Street, making the boundary between The City and Westminster. The Victorians dismantled it as a traffic bottleneck, and it was relocated to Theobalds Park in Hertfordshire. In 2003, it came back to the City, taking up its current location.

Other than by using the outrageously priced toilets in the modern basement, Temple Bar is usually off-limits to visitors. But a tour to commemorate Sir Christopher Wren’s 380th birthday includes access to the architect’s peripatetic portal. Over a cup of tea, City of London Guide David Thompson will regale participants with tales from the gateway’s past, before leading a one and a half hour tour of the St Paul’s area. You’ll then be treated to a period menu created by Bruce the head chef of nearby Paternoster Chop House, with dishes such as Chesterfield soup, mutton pie and potted cheese.

The walk and lunch take place on Sunday 21 October, 11am (the day after Wren’s birthday, as the restaurant is shut on Saturdays). It costs £10 for the tour (payable to the guide), with the period lunch starting at £25. To book, phone Paternoster Chop House on 020 7029 9400.

There was one point last night when Max Olesker (Max) and Ivan Gonzalez (& Ivan) were, between the two of them, doing a seven-way telephone conversation. Do the maths in your head, briefly. Seven voices. Two people. That is not even possible. It might have been eight, actually. “Oh, crap,” we thought, with a goofy and bewildered grin. “Oh no, this is too good.” It dawned on us that this show would be impossible to review as soon as they mimed rollerblading by wriggling across the floor. “Oh no, oh crap,” we thought. “This is going to be impossible to review.”

And it is, it is impossible to review. Max & Ivan: Are Con Artists is just impossible to review. It’s like describing a unicorn, or the concept of jeopardy, or magnets. You can take vague stabs at the topic but you won’t do it justice. A unicorn is just a beautiful horse with a horn. Jeopardy is, like, danger? Magnets are magic. And Max & Ivan are technically a couple of comedians who do highly-paced and sort of theatrical goofs while wearing jeans.

Those goofs centre around a caper-heavy plot that sees a gang of six ex-cons get back together for one final job, but it’s much more than that. It’s way, way more than that. The frankly astonishingly paced set-pieces are interspersed with flashbacks, lightning-quick scene switches and on-the-spot asides to the crowd. At one point they dragged an audience member on stage and ad-libbed a goof about turtles that ran so long the background music dwindled to silence. We were in tears.

Basically, this: fuck you, Max & Ivan. Can we say fuck you? Fuck you. Fuck you for making us review your show because it is too good for human words. Here are just a few that are only vaguely relevant: ‘fast’, ‘relentless’, ‘lots of voices’ and ‘funny’. Also ‘Max’, ‘Ivan’. Throw all those in a pile and dance on them, because they don’t come anywhere close to describing the frenetic, fantastic and breathtaking show that Are Con Artists is. It is so funny that it has rendered the English language but a blunt tool.

Max & Ivan are just two magnificent unicorns of comedy. They are two big, scared magnets made of laughs. Go and see them. Go and see them with your eyes, and bring your chuckling boots.

Max & Ivan: Are Con Artists is at Soho Theatre until Saturday 20 October at 9.30pm. Tickets £10-£12.50.

A fascinating interactive documentary project serves up 14 video portraits of first and second generation Cypriots (both Greek and Turkish) that live and work in North London.

The “Green Line” of the title is the one drawn in dark green crayon on a map of Cyprus by a British army officer in the wake of the intercommunal violence in 1964. Since the Turkish invasion in 1974, the Green Line has formally divided the country and is nowadays the site of a demilitarised zone, patrolled by the United Nations Peacekeeping Force.

Green Lanes, of course, starts at Newington Green and winds north a blooming long way into Enfield. The Haringey bit of it, in particular, was massively Cypriot in the 1960s and 70s — indeed, print shop owner, Tasos, remembers how Cypriots used to move house following the route of the 29 bus.

What shines through these 7 or 8 minute videos is a real sense of community among Cypriots, regardless of whether they speak Greek or Turkish. These are all hardworking people at the centre of not only the Cypriot community but the wider north London communities that they live in.

It’s also clear that the spirit of the motherland is alive and well — Cypriots are sociable, warm people who love food and music. Pringipessa owner, Andreas remarks how Cypriots will make cuts elsewhere rather than on going out and he has regulars who turn up every Friday and Saturday for live Greek music every week. Importance is placed on honesty, generosity and helping other people, along with a sadness that modern day Cyprus is lacking in such values.

For those who live in the area, it’s a privilege to hear the stories behind well-known local characters, peek behind the scenes and go through doors you wouldn’t normally — see the other side of Pringipessa’s dark windows, watch London Greek Radio broadcasting live, admire the original Heidelberg Press at Nicholas Printers, marvel at Paneri’s huge restaurant lurking behind an unassuming kebab shopfront and watch Mr Lefteris himself make bread.

Watch the trailer and get sucked into this compelling collection.

Film maker Natalia Kouneli was born in Athens, Greece. From Green Line to Green Lanes is part of her master’s dissertation at Ravensbourne College of Design and Communication.

Portishead’s debut album Dummy retains its mesmeric, majestic, menacing qualities, almost two decades after it first lodged itself deep in our psyches. Tracks such as Sour Times, Numb and Glory Box are so familiar and ubiquitous that even our music-stopped-at-Glenn-Miller gran could probably recognise them. There’s ne’er a duff note on the entire album, and it deserves the overused label of ‘classic’.

It also deserves to be listened to. Like, properly listened to. Which is where Classic Album Sundays comes in. Simply turn up, sit back and listen to the entire vinyl album played on a seriously impressive sound system.

The event takes place on 3 November at the Hanbury Arms in Islington. It begins at 5pm, with a more casual mingling, pizza noshing, and playing of other songs from that era, with the main feature starting at 8pm. Tickets are £6 on the door or in advance.